tristesse, joie, c'est comme ca

Sometimes, Paris is sad. And it makes me appreciate the happier times of my life.

This past weekend, Tanya, one of my best friends since childhood, came to visit me in Paris. I was insanely happy to see her and we had a great time together running around Paris (we saw TWO weddings at the Eiffel Tower! The groom was carrying the bride and spinning her around and it was so romantic I wanted to shoot myself... I mean, um, it was really cute), and we are making plans to travel to Dublin together. But aside from all that, she made a comment that I find myself often making-- "I feel so bad for those cute puppies in the street."

She is referring to the fact that the streets of Paris are full of homeless men and women, and their dogs. It is sad enough to see so many people living on the streets of gorgeous, lavish Paris, who have literally nothing, but it is absolutely heartbreaking to see them with their cute pets (once I stopped dead on the street because I saw a homeless man, his dog, and his dogs newborn puppies without their eyes even open, nursing from their mother. In the dead of winter). And yes, they're always cute, which made me wonder-- are these really the dogs and cats of the SDF, as they're called in Paris? (SDF= sans domicile fixe, or without a fixed home) While discussing this with a friend last fall, she mentioned that France has some law that states that a SDF cannot be arrested if they posess an animal, because the police don't know what to do with the animal. She also mentioned this while talking about how beggars in Paris often live a life somewhat like a prostitute, to the extent that they have 'pimps' who teach them how to beg and take a share of their money. She mentioned that probably the beggar pimps give the homeless these cute animals to get them money from sympathetic people. I'll believe the beggar pimps, but to this day I don't know if the law concerning homeless and animals is true or not. I've tried looking it up online, but no luck, and it's not something I remember to bring into conversation with my host family or French friends.

Assuming that it was true, however, made sense logically. And it made me feel so bad for these animals, forced to work as a means to earn money for their owners by doing nothing all day. I wonder how much food the animals get, or if their SDF owners ever take them on a walk around Paris. Probably not. I'm so heartbroken each time I see one (which is often several times a day) that I want to start carrying around cans of dog food with me, and distribute them to the owners. But... wait a minute. What about the owners?

Is it wrong of me to feel sympathy for the innocent pet, but not for the human being sitting in front of me? I mean, I do feel sympathy for him or her, but I don't see myself saying "I should carry extra baguettes around in my bag to give to them." Is it because I've become so jaded by the sight of homeless beggars, having grown up in a big city myself full of homeless people? Is it because I believe that most homeless people have brought themselves into this desolate state through drinking and drug abuse? Is it because I now assume that all Parisian beggars are part of this begging ring, and my money will mostly go to their pimp? I like to think not, I do know that there are people out there who started with nothing and their whole lives have had nothing, and do not have the background or education or tools or physical/mental capacity to have a job and a place to live, and that I should help them. But then we get back to the problem of 'how do I KNOW that?' Every time I hear a "bonjour messieurs-dames, excusez-moi de vous deranger..." in that rehearsed, often foreign voice on the metro, how do I know if this is someone who is part of this ring, or if they're asking for alcohol money, or if they really want some change to buy a baguette? (well, a lot of them say something along the lines of "I have 2 kids and we have nowhere to sleep and nothing to eat" so I've started to assume that's part of a memorized script)

I feel guilty for wanting to help the animals more than the people, but I won't even donate une piece (change) to people for fear of where my money is truly going. And I won't even give money to music performers on the metro because then I feel like I'd have to give money to everyyy performer, because who I am to judge who deserves money for their talent and who doesn't? And what about the gypsies? I know nothing about the gypsies, but they're always begging for money. Should I help them out? Gypsies don't exist in the States, y'know. What's their story?

Oy, this has turned into a long rant. I need to go back to writing a paper, but the point is, as beautiful and gorgeous and spectacular as Paris is for me, it is a world of despair and emptiness and tristesse (sadness) for others. And I should never, ever forget that.

To end on other happy things-- I'm getting somewhere with my possible internship and possible job in Paris this summer, I'm making more international friends, and I'm patiently awaiting the mythical springtime in Paris. My school was blocked again this week (though I did convince one of the girls blocking it to let me in! hah! and then the Professor didn't show up...), but oh well, somehow it'll all sort itself out, right?